by Art and Laraine Bennett
I originally thought this book might fit in a health course, but ended up deciding against it. After reading the whole book, I decided it didn't actually offer that much of value. I know a lot of people rave about this book, so I'm probably in the minority in my assertion.
The authors provide descriptions of four major temperaments (choleric, melancholic, sanguine, and phlegmatic). They also describe major combinations of the temperaments. Then they attempt to give advice about how to take temperament into account when building relationships with people (mainly children) who might have different temperaments.
I easily identified myself as a melancholic:
They are skeptical about what may appear to be simplistic labels and categories -- such as the four temperaments. (p. 33)
Yes, I am indeed skeptical of the simplistic labels of the temperaments. The authors even admit that almost no one is easily identifiable as a single temperament (me being one of them). I therefore find it less helpful than one might hope to know a temperament. Once you start combining them in different proportions, you end up diluting any benefit from knowing the temperament.
The biggest problem I had was the generality of the advice. For example, for one of the temperaments, they insisted that nagging would be useless, or even counterproductive. Readers, let me assure you, nagging is ineffective for everyone. That's pretty much how I felt about chapter after chapter.
Much of the advice, however, is generally good. From John Gottman's Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, they share:
the key to success is that for every one negative comment or interaction, there should be five positive ones. (p. 72)
Reader, again, this is excellent advice for all relationships, not just marriages.
The authors are not unaware of the caveats. At the end, they remind readers that nobody has to do what their temperament inclines them to do, we are more than our temperament, and everyone is unique. I would argue, those caveats are larger than they believe.
If you're looking for something useful in building good relationships with others, I'd recommend instead How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. I dearly wish the authors of that book would publish an edition entitled How to Talk so People will Listen and Listen so People will Talk. All the same advice, more generalized.
I have received nothing in exchange for this post. Links to Bookshop and Amazon are affiliate links. I purchased this book.
