Friday, October 17, 2008

Sometimes, It's as Simple as Asking

Kansas Dad and I have been married for over ten years now. I remember when ten years seemed an age and yet now I feel we've barely begun. (That's a good thing; I'm so excited about our future together!) My husband can still surprise me. For example, I always knew he enjoyed flipping through home maintenance books. I never imagined he would attempt a massive resuscitation of our water softener (saving potentially thousands of dollars, but certainly hundreds). In fact, he's tackled almost every single one of the tips in this post over at The Simple Dollar.

A few months ago, Kansas Dad mentioned that he really only likes strawberry and raspberry yogurt. What? Really? Ten years and he never mentioned that? I eat yogurt because it's good for me, not because I particularly like it. When I do eat yogurt, I like a little variety -- mostly berries, but different ones. So at the grocery store, I was picking a few of these and some of those, a variety.

Well, once I knew what he liked, it was easy to accommodate his request. Now our fridge is stocked almost exclusively with strawberry and raspberry yogurt. (Kansas Dad has been doing most of the grocery shopping recently, with my list in hand, and has been choosing variety for my sake. How sweet is that?)

A few weeks later, Kansas Dad remarked, "It's so nice to reach into the fridge and always pull out a yogurt I like."

Since then I've been struck a number of times by how easily we could have the desires of our heart if we just opened our mouths and asked. If you think about it, it's an obvious concept that applies to every aspect of marriage. (Yes, every aspect of marriage. Your spouse cannot read your mind.)

I wonder if it would also apply in our prayer lives. Of course, God knows exactly what we're thinking and dreaming and hoping...but perhaps sometimes he's waiting for us to ask.


  1. My husband and I (married 5 years this coming May) are working this lesson in our marriage as well. It's become a little joke at our house, "What, you mean you can't read my mind?"

  2. I think women have a harder time with this than men. I often want my husband to know what I want him to do without me asking, as if by asking I negate the thankfulness I will have if he does what I want.

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  4. I agree with that. For some reason we have this feeling that "if he is the one he'd just know" type thing. It has really taken a lot of effort to get past this kind of thinking. Excellent post!!

  5. I feel as if there are two conversations wrapped into one here, though. I agree that sometimes it's better to ask preferences as opposed to assume. However, I also agree that when asking means telling to do something, then it becomes a different discussion. I have no problems being told a preference; I have a lot of problems with being the person who has to remember to do the tasks. There is a difference. I don't expect my husband to be a mind reader (or at least I try not to), but I also don't appreciate having to be the only one who has any thoughts!!

    By the by, I was always a "eat yogurt because it's good for me" type of person, too...until one day when I was at the hospital and grabbed what I thought was strawberry yogurt. Turns out it was cherry yogurt. I typically dislike cherry flavor and would never have bought cherry yogurt. But, I love it! Cherry Yoplait Original yogurt is the best. I now buy it and ENJOY eating yogurt...I have even convinced myself that it's a dessert. Can you believe that?!?!

  6. Kristin, I agree with you. When I wrote this, I was thinking more along the lines of preferences when I wrote this post, but it does apply in other situations.

    For example, say it really bothers me when the cupboard doors are left open. I might get annoyed every time I see them open and have to close them myself. If I one day just explode and get all huffy when the doors are left open again, my dear husband might be completely and totally baffled because he had no idea I cared at all. Just an example.

    As for the yogurt, I don't know if I've tried the cherry before, but we always buy Yoplait Original. I might be swayed by organic yogurt if I could afford it, but none of the other conventional brands come close.

  7. You are very right. Unfortunately, I seem to have a lot of preferences ;0

    And so does my son...Did your kids go through a mommy-only phase? Joe is in that now big time and it is so completely exhausting and draining. He's also cutting big molars, so I think they are related...and it may be related to my big rotation that I just finished that was very time consuming. But, I feel quite bad for Jay because he wants to help and is greeted by hand slaps and "NO!! MAMA!!"s...oi vey

  8. Kristin,

    I think it's very common for mommy-only phases to show up, especially around molar time. My sister-in-law is dealing with that now with her 15 month old. He absolutely refuses anyone else. I had that problem big-time with First Daughter. She tolerated Grammy and Kansas Dad, but if a stranger even looked at her she would cry. I wanted a sign to hang around her neck: "Do not touch, talk to or look too closely at the baby."


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