My Favorite Picture Books: Angel in the Waters

Angel in the Waters by Regina Doman, pictures by Ben Hatke

I've written about this book before, but not as part of My Favorite Picture Books, and it certainly deserves a place among them. Today is a perfect day as it is the Feast of the Guardian Angels and we'll be celebrating by reading it together.

It is a sweet way to introduce to children the idea of a guardian angel, one who will watch over and help guide us for our entire lives and into the next life.

Angel of God, my guardian dear,
To whom God's love commits me here,
Ever this day, be at my side,
To light and guard, rule and guide.

Amen. 

Product Review: Chicco Keyfit 30 Infant Car Seat

A few months before Second Son was born, I did a lot of research on infant car seats. We had never purchased one before, always borrowed them, but the ones we had were expiring and I wanted a new one for the baby. I have no problems with infant car seats, but I hate convertible car seats. I find convertible car seats are nearly impossible to adequately adjust in the rear-facing position, at least our convertible car seat is nearly impossible to adequately adjust, so I was much intrigued by the Chicco Ketfit 30 Infant Car Seat which proposed to keep our infant safely tucked into an infant car seat up to 30 pounds. Our babies tended to be big at birth and all of them had outgrown the infant car seat long before six months

We found the Chicco car seat on sale and used an exchange program to get another 25% off. I was hoping to use it for Second Daughter until the baby was born, but at 20 months (or so) she was too long for it.

Soon after Second Son was born, Kansas Dad trudged out in the July heat to install our new car seat in the van. About five minutes later he returned to the birth care center room. At first I thought he needed something else, but no, he was done! This car seat base literally installs in minutes with LATCH. I've personally easily moved it from one car to another.

Second Son was quite snuggly in the new seat for his first ride in the van, going home from the hospital. We only used the infant insert (the gray parts you see around him) for a few weeks since he was already over ten pounds when he was born. It washed up very nicely and was packed away.

Second Son is now 13 months old and around 24 pounds. About two months ago, when he was 11 months old, we moved the straps to the highest setting. Though the seat is really too heavy to carry in and out of the house, Second Son still fits very well in it. Good news, now that the recommendations say to keep children rear-facing until they are two years old. (Those of you who have read the Range for a while know I have doubts about the necessity of expensive car seats for older children -- here and here. I have no such doubts about the necessity of rear-facing seats up to one year, and tend to agree with the recommendations up to two years old.)

One of the things I like best about this car seat is the height limits are based on how the child actually fits into the car seat -- nothing like an absolute number. First Daughter was very tall, but all her length was in her legs. She "outgrew" the infant car seat by height when her ears and head were far below where it would seem to make a difference in her infant car seat. (We moved her anyway as I always hesitate to go against product recommendations and we already had a seat she could use instead.)

We never used this seat in a frame or stroller**, so I can't say how well that feature might work, but in almost all other ways we have been extremely pleased with this car seat. The only disadvantage is how difficult it is to get the cover off the seat to wash it. You'd think no one who designed such things had ever taken a child for a ride. Babies are always making messes! We've been lucky with our cloth diapers and have only had to wash the cover once or twice. (Of all our car seats, only the Britax has a truly easily-removable cover for washing.)

I heartily recommend this car seat to anyone expecting a little one!

For those that worry about such things, this review is my honest opinion. I did not receive a free car seat or any other compensation.

** Sometimes I think this feature would be nice, now that Second Son is so heavy and does still often fall asleep in the van. I doubt he'd stay asleep at home, but it's possible he'd continue to sleep if we arrived somewhere like the zoo and pushed him around in a stroller. Right after he was born, though, I felt like putting Second Son in the carrier was the only reliable way to handle all four children. Second Daughter rode in the stroller with First Son and First Daughter on either side of me. It seemed a shame to buy a new stroller when we had one I loved that functioned perfectly (and still does -- I love my ebay stroller!).

Thoughts on Potty Training

Brandy at Afterthoughts wrote a post last week on potty training which happened to come at just the right time for us here on the Range. Second Daughter, who refused to train while we were under chicken pox quarantine, has made great strides recently. I have therefore been contemplating the subject and decided to make a few comments, much less thoughtfully than Brandy did.

• A month ago, I tried to get Second Daughter to use the bathroom instead of her diaper. She was interested, but not enough to make an effort to get to the bathroom if she didn't feel like it. Last week, she asked to use the bathroom on her own and we went from there. Waiting for the child was the strategy that worked for First Son and First Daughter (with lots of talking about it and reading My Big Boy Potty and My Big Girl Potty by Joanna Cole). I should have followed the same one with Second Daughter and saved myself the extra work.

• The good news - I'm washing a lot fewer diapers. The bad news - we're washing the carpet quite a bit.

• Older siblings are great trainers. Second Daughter seemed much more successful when she was accompanied by First Son or First Daughter than by me. They were also entertained...for a couple of hours. It's been days now and they're not so excited when she asks them to come along.

• Second Daughter likes being bare-bottomed. She is allowed a piece of candy when she's successful in the bathroom, but only if she puts her underwear back on. She forgoes the candy shockingly often. I'm afraid I'm spoiling her, but she's just so cute running around without bottoms on I can't bring myself to fight her on it. Plus, she's more likely to make it to the bathroom in time.

• Though she doesn't always like to put her underwear back on, she does like to carry it around the house. She is constantly dropping it when distracted by...well, anything. So we have a disturbing number of pairs of underwear scattered in the living room and the kids' bedroom. Second Son often finds it for me. (At least it's clean since she's not wearing it.)

• She is fully clothed when we go out, but she often fights me on it. Since she was fighting me every time we went anywhere anyway, I'm almost happy to be able to better anticipate the exact nature of the battle.

• Second Daughter continues to have at least one accident a day. I'm a bit at a loss with this situation as First Son and First Daughter each had one. Just one. How long will the accidents continue? It's not clear.

• She has not yet been successful on an outing outside the house. I'm afraid it may be confusing her to keep putting a diaper on her when we're going out, but I'm not anxious to deal with an accident. She tries to use the restroom when we are out, but never does. Then she has a wet diaper. I might be tempted to let her have an accident away from home if she managed a full day at home without one.  (See above.) Again, this was not an issue with the first two.

• Second Daughter has had a lot of candy in the past week. Eventually we're going to have to cut back on the rewards. First Son received candy for about three days, then stopped asking for it. First Daughter never received any at all.

• Shall we talk about the fact that I bought three new diapers in the past month to augment our stash which was a bit too small with both of them in diapers? I had plenty of prefolds, but Second Son needs two and they are so bulky! I guess I don't mind so much because now he won't have to wear the purple covers. Oh, who am I kidding? I love buying diapers and the new ones are cute! If I can tear myself away from previewing books for next year's homeschool or having fun writing our plans for next year, I'll take some pictures and share them with you.

• I'll be glad when this potty-training thing is done completely and I really and truly think I won't miss it. (It helps that I still have one in diapers full-time.) I am not ashamed to admit I'm still captivated by Second Daughter's adorable chubbiness. She'll be three next month and I know that baby fat is going to burn off in the near future.

My Small Successes XLIII

Time for some small successes!

1. I have exercised every day in the past two weeks.

2. Last night, there was a spider the size of a baseball in our bathroom. I have issues with spiders, but restrained myself from screaming bloody murder four feet from my baby's crib. Instead, I walked carefully to where Kansas Dad was reading and quietly informed him of the monster in the bathroom. After a brief quiet battle, he emerged victorious. Baby slept through the whole thing.

3. Second Son is officially night-weaned. He goes to bed around 8 or 8:30 pm and sleeps at least until 5 am, but more often until 7 or 7:30 am. He'll be 11 months old next week. While I think it would be acceptable to be nursing him at night, he often slept through on his own so this week I just decided I would not nurse him during the night. I'm not sure he noticed.

Now...if only I could sleep through the night!

Head over to Chocolate for Your Brain for more Small Successes!

Saving and Stashing Children's Clothing

One of the comments that was deleted during the Great Blogger Outage of 2011 asked how I store and organize our children's clothing.

So I thought I'd write a little post on what we do. I must admit: I'm not sure I'm doing this right.

More than a year ago, I wrote a post on how we store shoes. It's still spot on. In the same vein, I moved all of our diapers into one bin, along with a copy of our inventory. These sorts of items are best left where they can be quickly pulled out and switched when the weather changes or shoes are suddenly not fitting as you're about to run out the door for Mass.

I used to store our clothing in clear bins so I could see inside. I'd tuck a piece of paper facing outward with the main theme of the bin like "Boy Winter 12 month and smaller." That worked for a while, until we had two more babies and the amount of clothes was making the plastic bin expenses a bit outrageous.

Then we moved to our house. It was a good move. We had more space inside and a lot more space outside, but almost no storage space. All the stored clothes, diapers, shoes, coats, toys and other paraphernalia are living in the master bedroom closet. That would be the same closet that holds all of Kansas Dad's clothes and all of my clothes, along with (currently) our corn and bean planter, a backpack child carrier and all of my childhood papers (awesome stuff like my college scrapbook where you can find the letter Kansas Dad sent out when he was my RA and some less awesome stuff as well). It was getting too crowded in there.

So I spent a long time going through every single piece of children's clothes. I gathered a bunch of boxes from our move that were all the same size and shape. They're a medium size moving box, I think, smaller than most of the typical plastic bins. I labeled each one with a gender and a size and limited myself to only what would fit in that box for that category.

I first sorted all the clothes into the proper categories, which created a lot of piles that rose far above the box tops. I tackled each pile separately, sorting each of those into the long pants, shorts, long-sleeve shirts, short-sleeve shirts, pajamas, etc. Then I tried to select my favorites and the most useful of each of them so we would have enough for each season in each size.

They look rough, but they were cheap and they do the job.

I made a few notes on the outside for specific things like winter coats, summer jackets, and swimsuits which could possibly be used by a child slightly larger or smaller. I also noted if those items were gender-neutral.

Everything that didn't fit in the boxes I sold or gave away. I'd like to say I still do, but I happen to know the 4T girl clothes are filling two different boxes right now. There's a good chance Second Daughter will be able to wear them in the fall, so I decided to bend my rule a little.

After much consideration, Kansas Dad and I decided to save significantly fewer clothes when Second Son (and Second Daughter, for the purely girl things) outgrow them. Many of the clothes we have saved for Second Daughter and Second Son have been the wrong size for the season. Often, stains will appear in storage. We have always had generous friends and family pass down gently used clothing or purchase new clothes that we need.


We have not decided against having more children, but we are trying to be more protective of our space. I was running out of room for new boxes, not to mention my clothes. Also, we can now be as generous with our clothes as others have been. I am saving a few of my very favorite outfits and a few selected items like our Woombies. Everything else is either donated, given to friends or sold.

Also, and this is an important rule on the Range, if something is stained, do not keep it for the next child. I used to think, "Oh, I should keep this for wearing around the house or in the garden." I have realized, though, that there are always newly stained clothes to wear around the house or in the garden. There are also a few stains the mysteriously appear while clothes are stored. No need to save something just for play.

If it's something I truly loved, I will sometimes cut swatches or strips to keep for crafts projects. If it's the right kind of material, I'll cut it up for rags. If it's cotton, hemp, wool, or other natural fiber, I'll compost it. Did you know you could do that? Otherwise, I throw it out. Charities do not want your stained clothing. (I suppose you could freecycle it, if you think it might be good for sewing into something else or rag carpets or something. Hmm...maybe someday I'll learn to make rag carpets. Sounds interesting, but I digress.)

One last tip: If you hope to save socks for future children, or if you think you may someday be sorting socks for similarly sized children, invest in socks with the sizes printed right on the bottom. I'm sure there are others, but I know Old Navy and Baby Gap sell socks like that. I think Target might as well.

Life Happened Instead

About a year ago, I planned an ambitious slate of books and activities for first grade. I thought I was being reasonable, anticipating a slow start with a baby due in July, but I had no idea what was in store for us.

Second Son was born and we had a quiet first month at home, starting school when he was about four weeks old. At first, I was pleased with how we progressed. We were finishing our lessons and my house was in reasonable order. As time went on, though, I began to struggle.

Some babies are content no matter where they are or what's going on. Second Daughter was like that. She had her moments and seasons where she needed more attention, but overall she was happy to just be where she could see her big brother and sister and chatter with me as I worked.

Some babies, though, require just a bit more of their mamas. I call them "high maintenance." First Son was high maintenance. Back then, we had one baby, a 400 square foot apartment, and Kansas Dad handled much of the baby care while I worked. I naively thought it was tough those few times I tried to be productive and he was uncooperative. Then, Second Son came along. He was also a high maintenance baby. Only now I was home alone most days with three other kids and a whole lot more house to manage.

If I put Second Son down to clear the table, he cried. If I put him down to wash the dishes, he cried. If I put him down to make a meal for the other kids, he cried. If I put him down to change Second Daughter's diaper, he cried. If I put him down to wash my hands, he cried. If I put him down to go to the bathroom, he cried. (I could go on, but it's getting a little redundant, don't you think?)

If I put him in the carrier to clear the table, wash the dishes, prepare a meal or wash my hands, he cried. For months he was only content being carried in the football hold. That boy wanted undivided attention. In fact, Kansas Dad and I quickly learned he was happiest with one adult holding him and another adult entertaining him.

I hinted at Second Son's neediness a little on the blog, but I couldn't bring myself to write about it a lot. I didn't want to complain and I certainly didn't want people to think we didn't love every chubby bit of him. Because we did. Oh, but I struggled! I like my kitchen tidy and my laundry clean. If it isn't, I feel terrible. I find it difficult to concentrate on anything else. But I also can't bear to let my little one cry and cry and cry just so I can fold a few clothes. So usually, we both cried. Isn't that how it is? I also found myself speaking a little sharper than I liked to the other children because I was so stressed by Second Son's constant needs and tears.

Let me be clear: Second Son was healthy. He did not have colic. He just wanted to be held all day by someone who wasn't doing anything else. If he had that, he was content. Does that sound like too much to ask?

One night in November, I was sitting on the sofa with Kansas Dad while all the kids slept. I said, "I'm not feeling very well," leaned over and was out. The next thing I knew, Kansas Dad was kneeling before me calling my name repeatedly and looking very concerned. I talked to the doctor who assured me healthy people are not supposed to faint. He ran a series of tests, but in his opinion I was doing too much. I tried to explain that I was only doing the minimum, but he insisted, "You need to set priorities. Whatever you think you need to be doing is too much."

I pondered his advice for a few days. Of course, if we had been dealing with serious illness, I would have recognized the need to limit our lessons or alter my daily goals, but I was just trying to do the dishes and the laundry and the lessons. How could I do less? Eventually, though, I realized this time, these few months when Second Son was so little, he required more of me than dishes and laundry. When I am pregnant, I cut back on my responsibilities drastically because growing a little person is hard work for my body and mind. I give myself the freedom to focus my energy on the baby. Second Son just needed that energy a little bit longer. Though at times I felt like his needs extended unceasingly into the future, logically I knew he'd soon outgrow it. First Son outgrew it and so would Second Son. So I set my sights on six months or nine months or one year and prayed a lot about making some changes.

I pared back our lessons and outside activities. I gave myself permission to wash the table, stack the dirty dishes by the sink and then leave them until Kansas Dad was home. Most importantly, I gave up trying to make dinner. By the end of the day, Second Son and I were both tired. Trying to prepare a meal while he cried was probably my greatest source of stress. Instead, Kansas Dad made something simple when he got home. He usually still does.

Kansas Dad was a solid source of aid, comfort, understanding and support during all these months. In addition to making dinner most nights, he often finished washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, folding the clothes, washing the bathroom or all sorts of other odd jobs just because he knew I hated to leave them half-done but had been unable to get back to them.

Second Son is now nine months old. I do not think it's an exaggeration to say we're just now getting to a place I like to be. I'm still not making dinner most nights, but the lessons, laundry and dishes are getting done with little crying from Second Son. Perhaps we would have gotten here sooner if I hadn't gotten horribly ill just after Christmas with an infection resistant to the first-choice antibiotics. Or perhaps the infection gave me the freedom I needed to cut back even more.

If I have any regrets, it's that I didn't ask for more help. There are lots of people who could have come and held Second Son for me once a week or so while I tackled a few tasks. I hated to ask because we couldn't afford to pay anything, but I think they would have happily come anyway. I'm sorry I did not allow them the opportunity to serve. One day I'll be in a position to run over to a friend's house for a few hours to give her a break and I hope and pray she'll ask. (I did ask for help when Kansas Dad had to return to work and I was still feeling so ill. I am very much indebted to my mother-in-law and friends who each took a day off from their busy lives to come comfort me and hold Second Son. I have no idea how we would have fared during those days without help.)

I've been debating whether I should tell this story. My blog tends to the upbeat, the successes, the joys. But it has been surfacing in my mind as the homeschool reviews remind me how much I'd hoped to do this year that never happened. Mostly, though, I wanted to share a little of our experiences because I know we're not the only ones. I wanted to put it up there on the blog that sometimes the first year is hard, even for healthy mothers with healthy babies.

Please take the advice of a mother who has been there: If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for help. Cut seriously back on your goals. Relax your standards. If you think you may be suffering from postpartum depression, please do not delay in talking with a doctor, but even if you don't believe it's something quite that serious, you still deserve peace in your life and in your heart. Give yourself some time.

Your baby will grow. He will learn to sit, to play, to roll around the room to reach all sorts of choking hazards you are sure you hid away.

One day, you will realize the baby has been taking a nap for an hour, the house is clean, the other children are playing happily in the spring sunshine and maybe, just maybe, dinner is almost ready.

April Book Report

The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business by Gabrielle Palmer

Warnings: The True Story of How Science Tamed the Weather by Mike Smith

First Son's First Grade Booklist

The Phone Book: The Curious History of the Book That Everyone Uses But No One Reads by Ammon Shea is a fun little book. The first half or two thirds is the best part, when he's really writing about the history instead of waxing poetic about how our attitude to the phone book is an indicator of all of society's deficits. He's a bit obnoxious about religion and politics, too, but luckily that doesn't appear too often in the book. For those that are wondering, Mr. Shea read the Congressional Record and no one has ever read the phone book in a filibuster.

The Early Admissions Game: Joining the Elite by Christopher Avery, Andrew Fairbanks and Richard Zeckhauser is a well-researched look at the early application programs at several elite colleges (Early Decision and Early Admission). They say it's written for parents as well as guidance counselors and college admission officers, but I think a great many parents would find it heavy reading. (Not me, but I know I have odd tastes in reading. Also, I just skimmed over most of the statistical stuff.) If you happen to be a parent of a young adult who is interested in attending one of those "elite" colleges, you can get much from this book by reading chapter 7 in which they provide ten guidelines to help high school students really think about what they want in a college, where they truly desire to attend and if applying early would be beneficial in their particular situation. (I'm well aware my oldest is only seven years old, but I have a fascination with the college experience, how people decide to attend and where to attend and what difference those decisions make in real life, not just careers.)

Smart Moves: Why Learning Is Not All In Your Head, Second Edition by Carla Hannaford, Ph.D. is a book that starts out pretty well but then got a little...let's say unorthodox. My background is biology, so a lot of what she described (nerve cells, axons, etc.) seemed accurate, but then she'd make conclusions that just didn't seem right to me. I was not impressed with the research articles that were linked in the end notes (nothing from highly respected medical or research journals, for example) and much of her "research" seemed to be anecdotal. Much of what she encourages in the early chapters makes sense to me as a home educator -- touching students to help them focus, allowing students to move more in the classroom, drinking plenty of water, and so on -- but once I reached the brain gym exercises and her assertion that ADHD, ADD and other behavioral problems are really just caused by stress and can be cured by the brain gym exercises, I decided to stop reading. It didn't seem like the rest of the book was worth my time. (You can read more about Brain Gym here and one of the strongest assertions against it here.) As a side note, the figures are terrible - hand drawn diagrams of the brain labelled in elaborate script which, while beautiful, is almost impossible to read.

The Night Crossing by Karen Ackerman is the tale of Clara, Marta and their parents as they attempt to escape from Nazi-occupied Austria over the mountains into Switzerland. Though neighbors are attacked and the girls are taunted, this book does not explicitly discuss the horrors of the concentrations camps. This book may be a less-terrifying way to introduce the sufferings of the Jews in World War II and I will consider it for First Son's reading lessons next year.

The Twenty-One Balloons by William Pene du Bois is the tale of the fantastic voyage and adventures of Professor Sherman who had hoped for nothing but silence and solitude. It's definitely on the list for First Son, though we'll have to see if he's ready to read it next year. We might use it as a read-aloud.

Bad Ad

I have been praying for the earthquake and tsunami victims in Japan. We are always called to help others and I encourage you to support aid organizations like Catholic Relief Services. (While CRS does not usually operate in Japan, they are collecting donations to give to Caritas.)

While reading some online articles, I spotted this ad and noticed it particularly because of this book. Has anyone else seen it?

I'm guessing they used this picture because babies make people want to give money, especially babies who have survived disasters and really do need help. It's a shame, though, that they are showing a baby receiving something (which may be expressed breast milk, but is much more likely to be some kind of infant formula) from a bottle.

This well-meaning relief worker has not been trained to follow the recommendations in Infant and Young Child Feeding in Emergencies, developed by the IFE Core Group (including representatives from UNICEF, WHO, UNHCR, WFP, IBFAN-GIFA, CARE USA, Fondation Terre des hommes and the Emergency Nutrition Network (ENN)).

The use of bottles and teats in emergency contexts should be actively avoided (Section 6).

This flyer is also informative. First, mothers should be given all possible support to continue lactation or even relactate. If that's not possible, HIV-negative donor milk should be given. If none is available (and the culture does not support breastfeeding by another mother; apparently some do), then ready-to-feed infant formula should be used (which does not require mixing with water). All such feeding should be done with a cup.

I don't mean to target the American Red Cross. I'm sure they work hard to help victims of all sorts of disasters. This ad could just have easily come from any number of aid organizations. I also don't intend to use this blog as a medium to showcase mistaken aid organizations. I just noticed it as a current example of the pervasiveness of formula feeding and bottles in the world today after reading The Politics of Breastfeeding.

Charity Navigator has an excellent article reminding us how to donate in ways that will truly benefit disaster victims. Please also consider supporting disaster-relief organizations on a regular basis so they will be ready to respond to any crisis without waiting for additional donations. As always, continue praying.

Book Review: The Politics of Breastfeeding

The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business by Gabrielle Palmer

I was excited to read this book when it arrived from inter-library loan. I found myself rather frustrated by the first half of the book, though. In fact, on quite a few occasions, I wanted to throw it against a wall! (I didn't; that would not be the proper way to treat a book, especially one from inter-library loan.)

Thankfully, I persevered, because much of the second half of the book was quite interesting.

I have nursed my children for 14 months, 13 months, 17 months and 8 months (and counting on that last one). I nurse on demand, cannot reliably say how often or how long my children nurse, tend to night-wean my children after they day-wean, and have never started solids or other food before five and a half months. I have also experienced my share of problems while breastfeeding. First Son literally did not nurse until he was nearly a week old. A lactation consultant showed us exercises to teach him how to nurse. I have suffered mild and severe cases of mastitis (the cause of my most recent hospital stay). I have read a lot on nursing, follow a breastfeeding blog and am surrounded by friends who nurse their children long past a year.

Just to be clear: Ms. Palmer and I agree on many points. We did so before I read her book.

The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business is a call to arms. The author repeatedly blames the nefarious deeds of men, the Church, businesses, and governments for undermining women's right to breastfeed, ability to breastfeed and choice to breastfeed. I think some of her points are valid and others...well, a little extreme.

Despite the illusion of equality, and despite improvements since 1990, the majority of women are economically dependent on men. The unpaid housewife might joke about being a salve, but it is true. She works for the welfare of her husband and his household for no monetary reward and her status in the world is usually lower than his, often in her own eyes. She is dependent on his whim or that of his family. The fact that some men (and their families) behave decently does not negate the unequal power structure.

I suppose I dislike this quote because I am economically dependent on my husband, but it seems like I could just as easily say he is working to allow me to live my life as I like. I don't sit around all day eating bon-bons, but I'm also not answering to the whim of contemporary cubicle-life.

It seems to me Ms. Palmer thinks we should have remained hunter-gatherer societies. I didn't copy out any quotes (and my copy has been returned), but she repeatedly points out how much better women's lives were in hunter-gatherer societies, how much better they are for the environment and how they really knew how men and women should live as equals. I was not convinced we should throw off modern society and basic agriculture. She also seems to be against monogamy, as it encourages women to stop breastfeeding in order to discourage their husbands from seeking out other women, presumably women who are not breastfeeding. In polygamous societies, the husbands have other wives, so it's apparently less of a concern. Again, I'm not convinced.

The author is also anti-Catholic. Every once in a while she'll mention that a few nuns or clergymen did something noble in the fight for protecting infants living in poverty, but mostly she condemns the Catholic Church as part of the vast conspiracy against women's ability to breastfeed their babies.

For several hundred years before the eighteenth century, Roman Catholic doctrine advised wet nursing "to provide for the frailty of the husband by paying the conjugal due."

I can't say for certain she's incorrect in this statement, though I know it does not fit with current Church teaching. (See here for one example.) I noticed, too, her source was not a church document or even a statement from a local parish priest; it was a history book. That's not the worst she says about the Catholic Church. I won't quote any more on the subject.

Ms. Palmer makes a great deal of the contraceptive tendency of extended breastfeeding, implying that all women would space their children four years apart if only they would nurse each child for long periods of time. (She does admit that increased calories might decrease the spacing, though she doesn't necessarily think those extra calories are otherwise beneficial.) I found it hard to read repeatedly about how poor women in developing countries do not have access to contraception and abortion services (and therefore suffer increased risks of death and illness with closely spaced pregnancies because they are not allowed to breastfeed). Not everyone who reads this blog would feel the same way. I fully support women being able to decrease their fertility with extended breastfeeding.

Now on to what I did like about the book.

I think women in the United States are often lulled into complacency regarding formula-feeding our infants. I do not want to insinuate that women should not be able to choose to feed their children with formula, but it does seem likely that we view formula as nearly equal to breastfeeding. In fact, it seems almost wrong to me as I type that sentence, to hint that we may be harming our children with formula, even though we all know "Breast is best."

Messages about the 'benefits' of breastfeeding imply that artificial feeding is normal and safe, and that breastfeeding is a bonus. It is not like that. Artificial feeding is risky.

She goes on to point out (and I'm afraid I could not find the quote for it) that, all else being equal, even here in the United States, a formula-fed infant is six times more likely to die than a breastfed infant. I'm very disappointed I didn't properly mark that for myself so I could check her notes on it as the difference seems astounding to me. Also, 27%  American babies do not breastfeed at all, not even for a few days. I could not believe this number, either, but it seemed to be supported by a few other sources I checked.

She mentions the recent melamine scandal. Even without such tragedies, Ms. Palmer questions the safety of many of the ingredients in formula. We all like to think everything's been tested and is safe, but in fact a great many chemicals (remember BPA?) are allowed, unregulated, even in formula intended for infants. I find this disturbing. Of course, our children are bombarded with chemicals every moment of their life, even in the womb. We simply can't protect them from everything at every moment.

I found her history of the development of formula and formula companies fascinating, and fairly reliable as she quoted objective documents along the way. (She has extensive end notes, which is always a positive feature of a book for me.)

The manufacturers of artificial milks have argued that their products kept children alive for all the mothers who could not breastfeed and that there was a 'demand'. These companies were part of the same industrialising society which created the conditions that made women lose confidence in breastfeeding, ensuring that their products would be needed.

She produces documentation of relationships between doctors and formula companies showing that while doctors were not necessarily trained in how to support breastfeeding, they are receiving compensation from formula companies, either directly or indirectly by encouraging more doctor visits. (Not to mention all the increased visits when formula-fed infants have more ear infections and gastrointestinal infections.)

I was interested in her argument that just the hint that breastfeeding would not be successful is enough to cause some of the very problems the companies can then sell a product to "solve." Having suffered through breastfeeding problems of my own, I have to admit: it's not easy. There were a lot of times it would have been easier in the moment to quit. Even now, looking back, I'm not quite sure what kept me going, especially with First Son's difficulties. I can understand how a woman less determined would turn to formula with thanksgiving in such moments.

A hundred years ago most US babies were breastfed and most artificial feeding was done by rich women, or their servants. Now the class pattern is reversed. Hospital birth, company promotion and WIC have contributed much to this change.

Ms. Palmer has a hundred pages of ways modern society, industrialization and corporations have destroyed breastfeeding rates. Even if she's exaggerating some of them, the onslaught is awfully condemning: separating families from older generations, leading men and women to work outside the home, belief in the superiority of science, the medicalization of childbirth and infant care, milk subsidies that caused a great amount of excess milk to be produced seeking a market for it, lack of adequate maternity leave...really the list goes on and on.

The advertising strategies of formula companies are atrocious. Some of the quotes she pulls from company documents are revealing. We should never suppose companies are in business to help people. They are in business to make money. As Ms. Palmer points out, very few people make any money when a woman breastfeeds her baby. (Some companies, of course, make breastpumps and other such products, but Ms. Palmer contends expressed or pumped breastmilk is still inferior to nursing directly. That may be true. The Motherwear blog mentions a study here that showed that breastmilk in a bottle did not confer the same protection against obesity as non-expressed breastmilk, but she doesn't link to the study.) She also asks, if the formula companies are merely filling a need for women who cannot breastfeed, why do they need to advertise so extensively?

Some of the most convincing arguments against formula companies, though, are the struggles of families in poverty in developing nations. Without reliable access to clean water, fuel to heat water and money to buy more formula, many families are simply unable to safely feed their infants with formula. Donations of formula (from ill-meaning companies or well-meaning individuals) can interfere with an infant's nursing, decreasing a mother's supply of milk. Families are forced to stretch formula (essentially starving the baby), prepare formula with dirty water or prepare formula with water that has been insufficiently purified. It seems money would be much better spent assisting women in such situations (including disaster relief) to continue breastfeeding as long as possible.

Some of her statements at the end were rather more accommodating.

Whatever systems are devised to meet the needs of both small humans and economic structures (and there is no limit to human imagination and creativity), it is essential to consistently love and care for small children if we want adult humans to be mentally and physically healthy and resilient.

It's important to consider what's best for parents and infants, here and abroad. It seems logical to support breastfeeding with many times more resources than we have in place to support formula-feeding. I was intrigued with her idea that formula could be dispensed at a pharmacy with a doctor's prescription rather than available to one and all (and given as free samples to every mother who gives birth). I think it highly unlikely anything like that would ever happen. (Can you imagine the money formula companies would throw at Congress if a law like that were considered?)

In some ways, the breastfeeding situation in our country is similar to the education situation. Vast amounts of money are dependent on the status quo. Supporting local decision making on a grand scale (like homeschooling and breastfeeding) threatens the livelihoods of some very large companies.

Every woman has the right to make decisions about her body. Any coercion to breastfeed is not just morally unacceptable, it is impractical; in the end only a woman and her baby can make breastfeeding happen. A woman has the right not to breastfeed, but she must be fully informed of the effects on her child and herself. [emphasis mine]

It seems clear to me, not just from this book but from other reading and research I have done, that formula is a far inferior choice to breastfeeding. There are many reasons a woman or a family may choose to give formula to their child, and they should have access to safe, nutritious baby food. I question, though, whether most women in the United States are fully aware of all the facts. I'm quite sure I don't know all the facts. It's very difficult to find an objective study, one that has not been compromised by grants from formula-producing companies. Sometimes I find it just as hard to believe the pro-breastfeeding sites because I feel like they exaggerate the benefits as well.

I could write more and more on this topic, but eventually I have to stop. I have other things I want to do with my life. I will leave you with a few links to sites I've visited recently or found while thinking about this book.

• The book review for this book at Motherwear's Breastfeeding blog.
• The International Baby Food Action Network's website (IBFAN)
• A Breastfeeding.com article "What Every Parent Should Know About Infant Formula" which says "While commercial infant formulas are commonly perceived to be the medically recommended second-choice infant food after breastfeeding, the World Health Organization (WHO) actually states: "The second choice is the mother's own milk expressed and given to the infant in some way. The third choice is the milk of another human mother. The fourth and last choice is artificial baby milk."
• The Telegraph's article "Genetically modified cows produce 'human' milk" (which just seems so very wrong to me) 
• Motherwear's Breastfeeding blog's response to the Telegraph article

Now, off to nurse my baby! (Just kidding; he's already asleep.)

Second Son at Eight Months

Yesterday, Second Son turned eight months old. Today, I'm writing this post reclining a bit with my laptop, watching the three older ones play in the front yard while Second Son naps in his crib. Three months ago, I'm pretty sure I thought this moment would never happen. So it's a good day on the Range.

Second Son wants to touch and grab everything. When he's being held, he loves to pull hair, explore the textures of cloth, and pull and chew on any strings or buttons we're wearing.

He's now content playing on the floor with some toys or the other kids for quite a while, which has done wonders for Mama's productivity and peace of mind. (At least now; he's not crawling yet.) His favorite toys are ones that make noise when he shakes them or make noise when he hits other toys with them. He also loves the toys that are almost but not quite out of reach. Stretch!

He still has no teeth, but he loves to eat. And eat. And eat some more. That boy can eat almost as much as Second Daughter at a meal. Perhaps more! His most recent new food is asparagus and he loved it. (What's not to love? It's like eating spring!) He's still not a great fan of chicken, but it's growing on him. I'm hoping to try some fish in the near future. I was getting a little lazy with trying new foods, but I'm inspired again.

Other than Cheerios, he doesn't really like anything that's not pureed. I've been giving him tiny pieces of bread, though, and I think chewing things is becoming less unpleasant for him.

He's starting to play games with us. He yells "Mbah!" to get our attention and laughs if we say it back to him. He'll clap to get us to sing Pat-a-Cake with him and laugh even before we get to the tickling part. He plays "So Big," too. I recorded this video last night.

His 12 month clothes just fit. Perfectly...it's not clear there's any room to grow.

He's sleeping so much better at night! He usually sleeps from about 8 pm to about 3:30 am, sometimes as long as 5 am. I still haven't had much luck with napping in the crib. I try to lay him down when I know he's tired once or twice a day. Sometimes he naps for 20-40 minutes. Sometimes he doesn't nap at all. He might nap better if I got up with him at 6:30 am, but who wants to do that?

He loves the dog. The dog loves him, too. Moses will lie down next to Second Son and let him grab his fur, leg, ear, nose, lips. I do not encourage this behavior (in either one). Moses will also bring his tennis balls to Second Son when he's sitting on the floor. He'll bring three or four before one of us notices and throws them for him, as much to keep Second Son from chewing on them as to entertain the dog.

Second Son is so much fun! The first six months were rough, not least because I was so sick starting when he turned five months old. I've always told friends with new babies, though, that it gets better and better. It's just as true with the fourth baby as with the first. We started to see real increases in Mama's peace at six months and it's getting easier every month. There's even more fun in store!

He's fussing now, at the end of his morning nap, with perfect timing. Ready to post!

The Very Best Baby Spoons

Munchkin Soft-Tip Infant Spoons are the best. Nice and long. Soft for baby's gummy mouth. Perfectly sized scoops. All of our other baby spoons are relegated to toys. Second Son plays with them while I feed him with these.

Second Son Sleeps

Recently, Kansas Dad and I reached our limit with Second Son. He wasn't napping well, even if I held him. He wasn't sleeping in his crib at all at night. I would sit on the sofa, holding him, for hours before we went to bed. I watched a lot of Netflix, but nothing was getting done. You know, fun things like paying the bills.

So we decided to take action. As soon as Second Son's cold was a bit better, we prepared. We checked out Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition by Richard Ferber. Kansas Dad bought some wine and Ben & Jerry's ice cream, in preparation for a stressful evening. On Friday, I read a special nighttime story to Second Son (The Going-To-Bed Book by Sandra Boynton, of course), nursed him, then settled him in his crib while he was still awake.

He cried.

We followed the schedule in the book, going in and talking to him briefly. After an hour, he fell asleep. All in all, we considered it fairly easy.

On Saturday, he cried for less than ten minutes.

On Sunday, he cried for about two minutes before falling asleep.

Tonight, no tears at all!

Oh, the joy! The bliss! Wandering the house without a baby in my arms!

I'm nearly too exhausted to take advantage of it, but soon, very soon, I expect to start making a dent in the List of Things That Have Been Left Undone for Two Months. Hopefully I can tackle a good bit of it before he starts teething and stops sleeping again.

Random Tip No. 11

Consider carefully before putting your baby with a cold facing forward in the Baby Bjorn when preparing a meal for the whole family.

He will probably sneeze.

Random Tip No. 10

Don't confuse the baby's oatmeal with the mama's cream of wheat at breakfast.

Random TIp No. 9

These waterproof bandages are awesome for a mom with a cut on her finger who changes diapers and washes her hands a hundred times a day. Keep some on hand that are not from Shark Tale.

The Boy Loves His Rice Cereal - Banana, Not So Much

This afternoon, I put Second Son in the high chair to feed him some rice cereal. He started to fuss but as soon as he saw me headed his way with a bowl, he stopped. He knew what was coming and was thrilled.

Tonight, we tried something new. I mixed a little mashed banana in with some rice cereal. He did not care for it at all! Wrinkled his nose and turned away. What a crazy baby!

I made up some rice cereal without banana and he chowed his way through two bowls of it. (Very tiny bowls.)

The Gift of Peaceful Cleaning

First Son turned seven today and it was a wonderful day! I have his birthday post started but it's missing some pictures and I want to flesh it out a little. I hope he won't mind (someday, if he ever reads these things) if I delay it a bit. Second Son is starting to fuss and I'm going to have to go tend to him. (Ah, the sacrifices of a big brother!)

I did want to say, though, what a wonderful gift I had this morning. Kansas Dad had commencement this morning and a baccalaureate mass last night so I was alone with the kids and trying to prepare for our little party this afternoon. (I really must start scheduling birthday parties better.) Anyway, I was feeling very stressed about getting the house what I thought was properly clean, baking the cake and making cookies (because First Son kept changing his mind about what he wanted, we had both). A few days ago I called a wonderful family from our parish and asked if two of their girls would help me out and they agreed. I was able to relax a little more last night knowing someone would be here to lend a hand (four of them) this morning.

They arrived bright and early. The younger one had a whole bag packed with activities, games, crafts, a book and a movie! How fantastic! The older one pretty much held Second Son the entire three hours they were here while I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, ran laundry, mopped (kitchen and bathroom) and even cleaned the cupboards a little. Really, my house hasn't been this clean in months. We haven't devoted that kind of energy to it because Second Son cries when he's not being held in the afternoon or evening. There's only so much we can do after bedtime. (He's content in his swing or on the floor or the car seat pretty much from 8 am to 10 am or so and not at any other time. I'm not exaggerating. Ask Kansas Dad.) Today, I cleaned and no one cried. (Well, Second Daughter cried once when she fell down, but one of the girls comforted her and she was fine.)

While I cleaned, I thought to myself, not only are cooked meals a wonderful gift for a new mom, little certificates to be redeemed for baby holding at a later date would be invaluable. Priceless, really.

And now my time is up. Sleep well!

Oh, I love my clean floors!

Product Review: Kinderglo Night Lights

A few months ago, we were having a lot of trouble with the kids at night-time. Suddenly, First Son and First Daughter claimed to be frightened of the dark. I'm not really sure what started it all, but it seemed like such a struggle every night. And what do you do if your kids really are frightened? You don't want to dismiss it too lightly, but you also don't want to make a big deal of it or let them run the show.

We talked a lot about how Kansas Dad and I were here, Moses (our dog) was here and God and their guardian angels would always be with them. Still...it was annoying us all.

Then Kansas Dad found the Kinderglo night lights. We knew if we were going to buy one, we'd have to buy three. That was a big investment, so we talked about it for quite a while. Finally, the bedtime routine was getting beyond ridiculous and we decided it would be worth the money if we could all get some sleep.

It certainly was!

For First Son, we chose the Tyrannosaurus, for First Daughter, the Brontosaurus. At the time, you could also buy one shaped like an owl, which is what we got for Second Daughter.

The animals light up in shades of red, blue and green (fading from one to the next). You can set them to stay one single color. By default, they turn off after ten minutes though the kids usually turn them back on with a click of a button. You can set them, however, to stay on all night long. They are never hot and are perfectly safe in the crib or bed all night long.

Our kids adore their "glowing animals." The first few nights they were so excited and enamored, it definitely impaired the "going to sleep" process, but they acclimated. Now, they never go to sleep without their animals. The thread of losing an animal is also the best way to get an immediate response to bedtime noise, too. (For example, after they've been chatting for 30 minutes or so, one of us will go in and say "If you're not quiet, I'm going to come back and take your animal for ten minutes." Instant silence followed quickly by sleep.)

We will probably be in the market for another glowing animal soon and I'm pleased to see Kinderglo has added all sorts of new ones to the line. Don't you think Second Son would like the moose?

I recently had reason to contact Kinderglo and was thrilled with their customer service, too. I whole-heartedly recommend these night lights!

Please note: I did not receive anything in exchange for this review. We purchased all of the night lights ourselves. When I contacted Kinderglo with my question I did not entice or threaten them with a positive or negative review.

Football Hold

These pictures are from earlier this month (September 3rd and 4th). but this is still Second Son's favorite position. In fact, he doesn't much care for our carriers, both of which hold him in the upright position. We are getting some very strong arms. (He's already over fifteen pounds at 8 weeks.)

He even falls asleep this way! Sometimes.

Did You Know?

If I eat cereal with milk while nursing the baby, he gets milk dripped on him. If I eat pancakes while nursing the baby, he doesn't. So I think I need to eat pancakes for breakfast more often.

Thanks Kansas Dad!